It’s 1976,
Forty years ago almost to the day.
One of my fondest childhood memories,
I am with my mother, father and sister.
We are spending the summer by the Caspian Sea.
One of the few times we are all happy together as a family.

Our summer house was built inside a brand new private development.
It’s one of the very first built there.
We don’t have many neighbors.

I am seven years old.
For the very first time, I can go on long bike rides by myself.
I am alone.
Nobody worries about me.

I am riding around the empty community, surrounded by forests.
The trees look so tall to me.
I don’t see anyone during my rides.
I am alone.
Once I was chased by a pack of a dozen wild dogs.
I thought they’d attack but they just ran past me.
It was unreal and terrifying.

During these solitary daily rides,
I discover brand new emotions,
feelings of loneliness,
sensations of freedom.

Forty years have gone by.
I am in Florida.
Not my final destination.
The Caspian Sea is so far away.
It’s Saturday evening.
It rained earlier in the day.
The temperatures are unusually low.
The air feels and smells fresh for a change.

I am alone.
I am an hour into my daily bike ride.
Pat Metheny’s A Map of the World plays in my headphones.
The song is called “Childhood”.
I turn my bike into one of the many side streets near our house.

All of a sudden, a wave of emotions submerges me.
I am seven years old again.
I somehow feel freedom and happiness again.
For about ten minutes, I’m in a state of ephemeral euphoria.

None of this was induced by drugs,
I don’t do that.
None of this was “spiritual”,
I don’t believe in that kind of stuff either.
It is simply a life experience,
an emotional déjà vu,
an unexpected derealization.

Despite all the difficult challenges that I am facing,
despite the fears, the incertitudes, the sadness,
in my personal life, in my professional life,
despite all these,
last night I felt happy,
last night I felt in harmony with myself,
for ten minutes.

I suspect that I may experience these sensations again one day.
Maybe in another forty years.
I will be eighty-seven…
I am looking forward to it.